Being an Outsider in an “Insider” World
I’m not going to lie to you. The past 6+ months of life have been very trying. However, the last 2 weeks have had moments of pure torment. I know. You’re probably thinking “what a way to start out a blogpost.” This story, however, has a meaningful ending, I promise. I’m just hoping someone else out there can relate to my story and be blessed by the words the Holy Spirit has spoken to me.
Before I can get to the “good stuff,” I must explain the bad, painful parts. The parts that I would rather hide and never share. However, God has called me to share my story. And not just the good parts. Not the highlight reel. God wants me to share the every day ins and outs, the ups and downs.
As I’ve shared previously, this entire school year has felt like a wash to me. Not only was I battling spiritual warfare in my home through my child having such a hard time going to school, but I was also facing spiritual warfare in my job. You see, I‘ve never felt like I’ve truly fit in anywhere. This feeling has always been compounded when facing situations in my previous job. I’m always a rule follower; the person who wants to avoid confrontation, be a light, and just try to see the good in everyone. I’m also, the person though, who will unequivocally stand for what is right, even if it means standing alone. And that is just what I’ve faced this year. Over the course of time, with God changing my heart and convicting me about becoming a stay-at-home mom, I felt even more alone. I want to follow God, but it seems like no-one seemed to understand me. No one seemed to understand why, day in and day out, I felt miserable not being able to just forsake all immediately to follow Christ. What I learned, though, was that I should have forsaken all immediately and worried less about what others thought about me.
After facing a hard situation in my job and feeling forced to leave it all behind, I removed myself from the situation that was robbing me of my peace. Without going into details, I felt hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt like my reputation was marred just because the wrong story was being painted. I was devastated. Have any of you ever been in a season like this? I pray that you haven’t, but I know how sometimes life throws curveballs our way. Through my devastation, though, God spoke.
You see, pain and suffering are not of God. I’m not saying that he doesn’t allow us to experience these situations, but the bad surrounding these situations isn’t from God. God is inherently good. That being said, God is also a God of judgement. But, it’s at these times where we feel like we are at the lowest of low that the devil has us just where he wants us. He wants us to be so hopeless, so distracted, that we shift our focus from God to our situations and circumstances. However, 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “…My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” And just like that, I‘m reminded that in MY weakness I am made strong by GOD’S grace, power, glory, and goodness. How often in our lives to we remember only to look to God when we are out our lowest points? This is not how God created things to be. Instead of focusing on God only in our lowest points, remember to look to him always Remember to not allow Satan to distract us with our less than stellar circumstances.
Though these less-than-ideal circumstances and situations that have been thrown my way, I’ve also learned that when we suffer, we should not question the suffering. We shouldn’t be devastated and distraught. In fact, the Bible says to do the opposite, especially if we are being persecuted from not backing down from what is right. Rather than focusing on the hopelessness or the unfairness of our situations, we should actually glory in them. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “…Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Do you see what Paul said there? Glory in our infirmities. According to Strong’s concordance, the word “glory” here is being used as boasting rejoicing, or being joyful. How many of us find ourselves bragging about or feeling joyful when we are faced with hard times? That’s definitely not what I tend to do. But, that is exactly what God is calling us to do!
You may be asking yourself why should I boast in these hard times? Why should I feel joy? My friend, the Bible bears the answer to that question too! 1 Peter 4: 12-14 reads
12Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you. 13 but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. 14 If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified
When you’re standing for right, when you’re standing for truth in God’s name, we should be joyful because God’s glory rests on us! Our sole purpose in life is to glorify and praise God. When you stand for His truth, that is exactly what you’re doing! I find myself in the midst of a situation where I can either be an “insider” and follow along with the doctrine of the world or I can follow God’s truth and be an outsider, a black-sheep if you will. Friends, when we are faced with these situations, we must ask ourselves if being an “insider” for the sake of avoiding persecution is worth denying God of His glory. When we’re faced with devastation and hurt, we must ask ourselves if feeling “better” brings God his glory, or if allowing us to walk through these situations to shed the light of His glory in the end is what’s important.
When I’m faced with these sorts of situations that cause all the feelings, I’m trying to remind myself that God is the author of the story and pleasing him is more important than pleasing others, me feeling “strong,” or even what my reputation is. What is important is the lesson God is trying to teach us in these hard seasons. What’s important is how God will use these hurts to put us where He needs us. What is MOST important is how these situations and seasons will glorify HIM!
My friends, I pray that whatever season you’re in has been more enjoyable than the season I’m leaving behind. But, no matter your season, I hope you’re able to look past the hurts and hopelessness of being an “outsider” and glorying in the fact that YOU are GOD’s and, even in the hurtful situations, God is writing a beautiful story for YOU to glorify HIM!
I love you friends, and so does He!
-Heart & Home